World of Absurdity
by Infin1teZer0
Summary: In a world as indescribably bonkers as Remnant, only those who are equally nuts will succeed. A re-writing and expanding of Volume 1 and beyond.


**Author's Note: **Well THAT took long enough...

Hello and welcome to this whatevertheheckthisissupposedtobe that's been festering in my brain in some shape or form for almost half a year.

The title can also be read as, "RWBY, the Sorta-Novelization Thing", "RWBY: the Extended Universe" or my personal favorite "RWBY + Infin1teZer0's Headcanon".

I've been away from the writing scene for quite some time, so I'm going to consider this bit here a Warm-Up Chapter to Figure Out What the Hell I'm Doing™. At any rate, all sensible critique is very welcome, and all that jazz.

**Obligatory Lawyer Retardant: **RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth™ and Monty Oum. I don't own nothin'. Pleasedon'tsuemekaythankx.

At any rate, enough procrastination. Let's do this! _**LEEEERROOOYYYY JEEEENNKIIINSS!**_

* * *

On the edge of a nameless cliff, there rested a humble gravestone.

_Summer Rose_

_Thus Kindly I Scatter…_

The owner of the grave was never one for theatrics, and her final resting place reflected that elegantly. The stone was tiny; you'd have to be actively searching for it in order to find it almost buried in the constant snowfall. It was made with plain white marble and was decorated with the design of a rose, her namesake. A solemn figure clad in red stood before the grave, her head bent slightly in a form of bow, a hood obscuring most of her face. She was unmoving and silent, like a lone sentinel guarding her post. Almost ironically, her scarlet cape billowed dramatically in the wind, giving off sweetly-scented rose petals as it did so. She didn't know how long she has been standing here. Hours? Days? Keeping a solid concept of time was impossible here. She didn't truly care, however. She felt comfortable here; at ease in the snow and solitude. She figured that she could spend the rest of her life like this.

An eternity passes before the hooded girl's sense of reality compelled her to action. She peels her gaze from the headstone, forcing herself to turn away and begin her journey back… back to where? The figure did not know her own destination, but she had duties to fulfill, and there were people. People to protect, people that cared for and whom she cared for in return. She had to return to them, wherever they were. She continued her trek, trudging through the thick snow. A black blur in the corner of her eye caught her attention, but she did not falter in her stride. She felt several hostile eyes from the bare trees follow her progress through the sleeping forest. Her lean but powerful muscles tensed under her flowing crimson cape, and she was particularly aware of the formidable weapon strapped to her back.

She came upon a clearing and looked up to see a pack of savage dog-like creatures. They stared at her and snarled in an animalistic chorus, anxiously waiting for any kind of opening the girl might accidentally make. The girl was perfectly still, but not out of fear. She stood there observing her enemies as they prowled around wolfish monsters took her immobility as an invitation to attack her. One leaped into the air first, and it was soon followed by two others. To their confusion, their once delicious meal had disappeared from their clutches, leaving only a cloud of rose petals behind. Shaking off the facefulls of snow they unexpectedly received from their pounce, whatever survival instincts they had commanded them to look up.

The red figure had jumped into the air. She hung there for several seconds with her back arched in a high-jumper's pose. The light of the full moon revealed her smooth, youthful face, no longer obscured by her hood. The swirl of rose petals following her movements made the scene resemble a fairy tale.

It was showing in her large silver eyes: Ruby Rose _lived_ for this.

With a midair spin, Ruby unslung the weapon on her back. In a mechanical whir it fluidly unfolded into an imposing rifle. With a flourish, she took aim at one of the creatures below her and pulled the trigger. Her passion was mirrored by her prized tool of destruction as it sounded off a righteously loud thunderclap upon firing. In an instant the unidentified monster fell, half of its head reduced to black mist and rose petals by a single bullet. Two of the creatures lunged at the descending reaper one at a time upon the first kill. Ruby landed, chambered another round, and flipped over her first assailant. At the apex of her jump, the girl was upside-down, barrel of her weapon facing the rear of the monster's head. Said cranium ceased to exist once Ruby pulled the trigger again, using the force of the recoil to sail away from the disintegrating corpse.

With a twist she faced her opponent mid-flight before removing a portion of the second attacker's torso with another point-blank gunshot. The blast bounced Ruby into the air for another second before finally landing, using a roll to break her fall. Once out of the maneuver, the little reaper smoothly transitioned into engaging the third monster. Still on one knee, Ruby took aim at the creature's torso and ended its life with the twitch of her finger.

Ruby sent herself tumbling back with the force of recoil and righted herself. Spinning her weapon in a figure-eight triggered its second, more menacing form. With the synchronized movements a dozen tiny gears and motors, Crescent Rose unfolded into its signature configuration. Ruby was poised to reap the lives of her monstrous foes with her deadly scythe promising swift demise. The reaper's foes hesitated for a few moments. They were all having difficulty processing a single question:

_What the heck just happened?_

At least, that's what Ruby thought they were asking themselves. She had slain four of their brothers in less than ten seconds. It's what happens when she gets labeled as a "free meal". The huntress didn't have time to boast however, as one particularly ballsy wolf shook off its stupor and pounced

_Oh, come on, _Ruby chided the creature in her mind. _It's a sniper rifle with a freaking _scythe blade _on the end! At least pretend to be impressed..._

Ruby twirled and struck the beast across the back of its neck with the shaft of her scythe, its blade getting lodged into its thick fur armor. They both paused for a moment. The black wolf snarled and bared its crimson fangs in defiance, its bloodshot reds locking onto the young girl's silvers. Ruby wasn't intimidated. In fact, she seemed quite amused with the beast's tenacity, replying to the snarls with a smug smirk of her own. With a pull of the trigger, Crescent Rose kicked itself into the beast's back. With a final tug from Ruby, the monster was cut in two. Time seemed to slow down tremendously as the huntress took a knee, striking a dramatic pose as rose petals poured out of the foul beast like fresh blood.

The monster's upper half was thrown back towards its brethren, disappearing in a cloud of mist and rose petals. The enraged pack eyed the rapidly decaying carcass for a second, then charged full strength. Ruby twirled Crescent Rose, chambering a round in preparation and jammed the scythe blade into the ground. It was then that the wrath of Crescent Rose descended upon the scourge with each round that exited its barrel.

_Bang!_

_Chck chck…_

_Bang!_

_Chck chck…_

_Bang!_

The smell of burnt Dust soon filled the frigid air as Ruby unloaded into the pack. Each earsplitting gunshot proclaimed to the heavens that another monster has fallen. Eventually, a lucky one managed to break through Ruby's hailstorm of bullets and swiped at the small girl. She responded by doing a small hop into the air, letting the beast's deadly paw swing underneath her. Immediately after, she gave one of her bullets a nice comfy home in its face.

Without anything anchoring her to the ground, the momentum of her execution sent her soaring backwards. She reflexively sunk her scythe blade into the snow below, using the friction to rapidly break her to a halt. Once at a complete stop, Ruby cartwheeled herself upright, balancing on the shaft of Crescent Rose in order to get a better look around.

_There's more of them, _Ruby realized as more of the strange wolves came pouring out of the trees around her. They immediately locked onto the huntress and charged all at once. _I guess I can play for a little longer…_

Ruby spun on top of her weapon, lying flat against it to dodge a lunging claw. Conveniently, the business end of Crescent Rose was already pointed at another unwitting monster. The huntress fired her weapon, mutilating the unfortunate creature in front of her and sending her backflipping into the air.

_Don't have a soul? Have two!_

By timing her flips perfectly, she arrived at the first wolf's location feet first. Ruby drove the crimson soles of her boots into the monster's snout, killing her momentum and knocking the enemy over.

_...That was terrible. Yang would throttle me if I ever say that out loud._

Ruby refocused her mind on the combat around her, twirling her scythe in an intricate combo that eliminated three more beastial combatants. With them out of the way, she sensed another attack coming her way. Ruby twirled out of the way of a vertical claw attack. She and the monster paused for a single moment, then the wolf swung for her head in a wild arc. Ruby spun and ducked underneath the sloppy attack, using the momentum from her spin to slice at the creature's exposed belly, and then hook the beast by the torso. The huntress cocked her weapon, then fired. The shock from the gun firing plus Ruby's cartwheel forward bisected the wolf into halves. The top half smacked hilariously into one of its friends, stunning it and allowing Ruby to change targets.

Two more enemies engaged the young girl, charging headfirst without the slightest caution. Ruby performed two backflips in rapid succession to avoid their deadly claws. In a spinning sequence of slashes, the huntress tore the first one to pieces. The second beast decided to rush her immediately afterwards. Ruby countered this by hooking Crescent Rose's blade around the monster's neck, rolling underneath it, and then flipping onto its back. It roared and thrashed wildly in outrage, but Ruby could not be dislodged from her perch. With a scowl, the young huntress pulled the trigger on her weapon, decapitating the foul creature and sending herself skyward.

Three more monsters jumped up to meet her. Ruby fired herself down to collide into the first one, then bounced off upon killing it. Using the kickback of Crescent Rose, the young girl managed to keep her air combo going to slay another beast. The next one in line, however, proved more intelligent than its fallen comrades. It was ready for Ruby's assault, and slashed just in time to prevent her from attacking. The reaper just managed to get her scythe in a blocking position, preventing major damage, but still getting swatted away like a pesky bug.

Reorienting herself, Ruby dug the blade of her scythe to keep from flying away. She took this small period of downtime to reassess her situation.

_There's still a lot of them… _Ruby evaluated. The pack wasn't getting any thinner; every wolf that fell to Crescent Rose was replaced by two more. She also noticed just how _hot _her prized weapon had become from excessive use. It wasn't enough to burn her hands, but it was noticeable. The warmth was quite comfortable, in fact, like hot chocolate on a cold winter's night.

_Well then… _Ruby's face grew determined. Playtime's over; it's time to end this. The reaper dropped the now empty magazine out of her weapon and into the snow, now useless to her. Reaching into her side pouch, Ruby retrieved a specially marked magazine and slammed it into her weapon. Unlike standard .50 caliber sniper rounds, these ones were made with _much_ more Dust, allowing them to fly faster and explode more spectacularly on impact. They were also made with _love_, according to Ruby, as she made these customized rounds herself. Ruby took a stance, charged her Aura, and braced herself.

_Let's kick it up a notch!_

_Chck chck…_

_BOOM!_

Crescent Rose practically exploded with newfound rancor. Its muzzle flash extended several feet behind it as both weapon and wielder were catapulted into the pack of wolves. With their efforts combined, Ruby and her scythe were transformed into a almost literal hurricane of steel, bullets, and death. She never once broke her flow or felt the slightest hint of fatigue. Ruby's killing spree rapidly evolved into a killing frenzy, her face contorted into one of pure focus. Dozens were chopped to bits by the second, and the young girl's moves were too fast and frequent to even keep track of at this point.

And then, they were gone.

All of them laid dead and decaying at Ruby's feet.

In a small celebration, Ruby struck a heroic pose with Crescent Rose behind her, spent casings and rose petals falling around her like chaotic rain. This is what she lived for. Ruby Rose existed to slay the creatures of the night.

* * *

"Hey! You gotta death wish or something?!"

Without warning, Ruby was torn out of her epic daydreaming when a hand grabbed her shoulder and roughly spun her around. There was a rather large man in a black suit standing in front of her. Ruby immediately took notice of the drawn red blade at his side. Even if he was wearing equally scarlet shades, she could tell that he was glaring. Without speaking, he made a gesture towards his ears. Ruby got the message rather quickly.

"Yes?" Ruby let her headphones dangle around her neck as she asked flatly.

"I said," the man repeated, clearly losing his patience, "put your hands in the air! Now!" Ruby had put two and two together the second she saw the sword, but a distracted thug was easier to take out than a calm, focused one.

"Are you… robbing me?" Ruby asked, almost rhetorically.

"Yes!"

"Ohh…~" Ruby smirked and made no effort to hide it. This no-name crook had no idea what kind of hornet's nest he'd just kicked, and he'd pay for it soon. Fueled by daydreams, motivational music, and weapons magazines, Ruby felt like being a hero. Now, she had an opportunity to do just that.

Thus, her adventure begins...


End file.
